Military families are no strangers to sacrifice.
They kiss their service members goodbye for long deployments and live through frequent moves, leaving behind familiar places, friends, and family. Relocating every few years can especially take an emotional toll on children, disrupting their sense of stability and security while creating logistical and practical challenges for parents.
Children going through multiple relocations may experience:
Loss of friends and social support, having to say goodbye to friends and the familiar routines of their lives. This can be a difficult and emotional experience.
Feelings of anxiety and uncertainty about the future and whether they will be able to make new friends. They may also feel anxious about their parent's safety if they are deployed.
Academic problems since frequent moves can disrupt children's education. They may have to change schools multiple times, which makes it difficult to keep up with schoolwork.
Behavioral problems as a reaction to the stress of moving which can manifest as aggression, withdrawal, or changes in eating or sleeping habits.
So what are parents and caregivers to do to guide children experiencing these challenges or address them before they manifest and multiply?
Drawing on my experience as a military spouse, mother, and therapist who has served military families, I’ll explore the unique challenges military children face during relocations and offer tips and coping strategies to help them thrive. First and most importantly, we must acknowledge the challenges that exist in order to help children and their parents navigate the emotional roller coaster of military life.
Recognize the Challenges:
Moving to a new place often means leaving behind friends, schools, and familiar surroundings, causing feelings of loss, anxiety, and uncertainty. Validating your child's emotions and letting them know that it's okay to feel this way can help create a safe space for open communication. Caregivers must recognize the profound impact frequent moves can have on children, validate their emotions, and let them know that any and all feelings are normal and allowed. Acknowledging their experience is a powerful first step towards providing necessary support.
Encourage Open Communication:
Communication is key in any family, especially when navigating the challenges of military life. It is vital that parents and caregivers create environments where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Encourage kids to express their concerns about the move while actively listening, empathizing, and answering questions honestly. These behaviors create a safe, non-judgmental space for them to open up and process feelings. Allowing kids to share concerns, fears, excitement, and even happiness and anticipation, builds lines of communication that endure well beyond the move or current situation.
Children learn that they are allowed to voice their feelings which sets the stage for lifelong resilience, aka the ability to bounce back from challenges and adversity. Every move presents new opportunities for growth and learning and, as parents and caregivers, we can help children develop problem-solving skills and a positive outlook.
Plan and Prepare:
Allow children to feel included in the moving process by involving them as much as possible in plans. The simple invitation to participate can provide a sense of agency in a situation where they likely will feel out of control.
Discuss the move in advance, providing details about the new location, school, and community. Encourage them to ask questions so you can address any concerns and let them help in preparations as much as possible or is age-appropriate. Assign tasks that give them a sense of responsibility and a role in the process. Doing so helps foster a sense of control and can reduce anxiety. It also boosts their confidence as contributing members of the household which goes a long way to more firmly bond the family.
Create Familiarity:
When settling into your new location, it’s important for children to find a sense of familiarity so, as chaotic as moves can be, it’s a good idea to unpack children’s belongings early on. Familiar items, such as their favorite toys or pictures, can provide a sense of comfort amidst change.
Include them in the unpacking process and ask their opinions about how to arrange furniture or where to put away shared objects as appropriate. Whether or not they have a room of their own, allowing them to set up a personal space for reading, daydreaming, writing, or playing can go a long way in making the new environment feel like home.
Once you are able, explore the new neighborhood together. Identify local parks to explore or restaurants to visit in your new town.
Encourage Social Connections:
Support your children in building new friendships by encouraging their involvement in social activities. If your child was interested in sports or specific activities in your old home, it might be wise to research similar clubs or activities in your new area so you can encourage connection with the new community. Enroll them in local clubs, sports teams, or extracurricular activities where they can meet other children their age.
It is also important to encourage and maintain connections with old friends. Remind your child that it is okay to feel sadness at the distance they might now feel from those important people who made their old home so special but they need not shut the door on those relationships. Help them make contact and stay in touch through video calls, letters, or emails.
Maintain Routines and Rituals:
Establishing consistent routines and rituals can help anchor your children amidst the chaos of frequent moves. Try your best to maintain regular meal times, bedtime routines, and family traditions. These familiar patterns provide a sense of stability and normalcy, even in a new environment.
When possible, involve your children in decision-making and the process of creating new routines in the new location, allowing them to have a sense of control and ownership. The same is true for holding firm on rules and boundaries. Often, during times of transition, rules can become slippery but sticking to your established rules helps the child feel a sense of security and safety. If you or your child are struggling with an old rule, work together to explore why it's become more difficult to adhere to and if there needs to be any adjustment.
Connect with Supportive Communities:
Perhaps one of my favorite aspects of military families is their resourcefulness and willingness to access the wide range of available resources to support them during relocations and deployments. Be sure to reach out to your installation's Family Readiness Center or the Military and Family Support Center to learn about available programs, activities, counseling services, support groups, and workshops for parents and children. These resources provide valuable tools designed to help your family adapt and thrive.
By utilizing such services and attending community events in your new area, military families have a unique opportunity to connect with others who share similar experiences and values. These communities can provide a sense of belonging and understanding along with valuable resources. Some of these resources include:
Military OneSource: This is a free resource for military families that offers counseling, financial assistance, and other services.
National Military Family Association: This organization provides support and advocacy for military families.
Military Child Education Coalition: A resource for military children and their families supporting children’s education and wellbeing
Prioritize Self-Care:
As a parent and military spouse, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being to better support your children. Since moving and adjusting to new environments can be stressful for parents as well, remember to take time for yourself to recharge and manage your stress levels.
Practice self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or connecting with friends. Seek and accept support from other military families. By caring for your own well-being, you'll be better equipped to provide emotional support to your children while setting an example for them about how they can prioritize their own needs too.
Remember that self-care includes seeking professional support if you or your child need additional support during these transitions. Whether in person or online, therapists and counselors can be incredibly beneficial to strengthen and support the mental health of parents and children. During the upheaval of a move, online therapy can be especially useful. It offers flexibility and ease of access unparalleled by in-person services. You can receive counseling from the comfort and privacy of your home, making it ideal for military families on the move.
If you're a military family in Tampa, FL, or anywhere else in the world, know that you are not alone.
Reach out for support, utilize available resources, and trust that you have the strength to thrive through these changes. Though frequent military moves can present emotional challenges for children and parents alike, with the right strategies and resources, it is possible to navigate these transitions successfully.
Remember that each child and parent copes differently, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Be patient, compassionate, and proactive in addressing the emotional needs of your family, and know that your military move can be a beautiful opportunity for personal growth and resilience-building. With the right support, you can help your child adjust to new surroundings and build strong relationships.
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Other Services Offered By Ashley Comegys
I know that there is more than one mental health concern you may experience as a military spouse. This is why I’m happy to provide various services to support you and your family. These include postpartum support, online postpartum depression treatment, grief counseling, and online depression treatment. I am also happy to offer online trauma treatment for women. Visit my blog or about page to learn more today!