Long before the world entered a global pandemic two years ago, moms had a lot on their plates.
The sheer number of tasks, needs, emotions, and people that moms are trying to keep track of and manage culminates in a feeling of overwhelm that doesn’t discriminate between moms who stay at home or moms who work outside the house. The overwhelm is an equal opportunity experience.
Now, take all those normal stressors of motherhood and add in the numerous ways moms have been tasked with adapting over the last two years:
· Stay at home orders (with literally EVERYONE at home with us)
· Virtual school (but maybe this week we are in person, or are we supposed to be quarantining?)
· Working from home (while also trying to help our kids with their schoolwork and keep the baby from crying during a Zoom call)
· Worry over getting sick (is this just a normal cold or did my kid get COVID-19?!)
This list alone could continue on forever….
Many moms are beyond the point of needing a break from their kids
We are all exhausted and burned out from parenting for the last two years. Yet despite the consensus that we are tired, I can’t tell you how many times I hear moms say, “I feel guilty for needing time alone and away from my kids. Shouldn’t I always want to be with my kids? I feel like I’m a bad mom for needing a break.”
Motherhood can be a bizarre dichotomy of wanting to be alone and untouched yet also wanting to be with your child. While these two needs or feelings can feel opposite one another, regardless of what moment you are in (needing to be alone or wanting to be with your kid), one thing remains true and constant:
You are not a bad mom for needing a break from your kids!
Let me say it again another way. Needing a break from being in “mom mode” does not mean you are a bad mom.
I hear so many moms say, “I just want to be alone. Not with a kid, not with a coworker, not with my partner or spouse. Just alone.” Having that need to be alone, especially without kids, is a normal feeling. Even the most extroverted person needs moments separate from anyone else at times. While your kid may always ask for you to play with them or read to them, have you ever noticed that even they need time alone to play quietly? The need to be alone at times is normal.
Having time by ourselves gives us the opportunity to separate from the busyness, chaos, and overstimulation so many moms experience.
Children require a lot of our attention and need direct support and help. When our entire being is focused on someone else (or multiple people), our brain is in working mode and is constantly being stimulated to adapt and adjust to that other person’s needs.
Our brains need time to rest, which can allow the body and emotions to rest as well.
When our brains and bodies are in constant motion and experiencing constant stimulation, they begin to get stressed, which can lead to increased feelings of anxiety and even depression. Taking time to rest and allow your brain and body to be quiet can help with decreasing those anxious thoughts and feelings. But it can be nearly impossible for us to have that quiet mind when we are always bombarded with demands, requests, and lots of noise from our kids.
When you get on an airplane, the flight attendant tells you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs if a crisis arises. Taking time for yourself separately from your kids is a way of putting on your own oxygen mask first, and in parenting, can even help you avoid a crisis. Time alone and away from them, whether it is truly by yourself or with a friend or spouse, can allow you the time to decompress from the natural stresses that exist when you have kids.
Making yourself a priority by taking that time for just you is an opportunity to cope with your stress.
This can even help you be a better mom because you have had time to come down from your stress. It’s also a great way to model for your kids the importance of self-care.
It can be so hard to make yourself a priority and carve out time separate from your kids, but whether it is 30 minutes of truly alone time or a week away with your friends or spouse, you are not a bad mom for taking that time for yourself.
Begin Counseling for Moms in Colorado, Hawaii, Florida & Louisiana
Learning to make yourself a priority is much easier said than done. I understand how hard it can be to do so. So, I would be happy to help you through online therapy in Hawaii, Florida, Louisiana, and Colorado. If you’re ready to start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Schedule a free 15-minute consult via phone or video
Start improving self-care habits!
Other Services Offered With Ashley Comegys, LCSW
I offer a variety of services for the residents of Hawaii, Louisiana, Colorado, and Florida. Other services include therapy for anxiety, depression, postpartum depression, trauma, and grief. I also offer online postpartum support, and therapy for military spouses. Learn more by visiting my blog or about page today!